FROM CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT, Kathryn at her therapist’s office:

Kathryn told her, calmly and in a very detached voice, about Eric leaving. She told Heidi everything she knew about his assignment, which wasn’t much, but was more than she’d told anyone else.

Heidi went silent after Kath stopped talking for a minute or two. She looked grim, sat tapping the eraser end of her pencil on her desk, her mouth set.

“Well. So. But it sounds like you’re wondering if you are being betrayed by this man, or if he’s telling the truth when he says the government has ordered him to go. That he had no choice. Do you think that’s happening? Are you afraid he may have lied, told you a half-truth,to bring the relationship to a stop? Is that what you’re afraid of, Kath?”

“No. Absolutely not. Eric would never do that. If he wanted that, he’d find a kind and supportive way to tell me. It’s his way. He’s not mean, Heidi, he’s not like so many men. I’m not being all Pollyanna here, I mean it. He hasn’t got that kind of nature.

“No, it’s just that. Well, whether he lied or not. It’s just that, fact is, I can’t take it. Heidi, I can’t take it, I can’t. He could die. They could already have killed him. “

She could feel the watertight hinges on her heart’s doors being slowly loosened, could almost hear the creak and groan as they let go, and the dam broke.

She burst out, “Oh, Heidi, I love him so much, what was I thinking, I should have told him. Why am I such a coward. I’ve been pretending I wasn’t sure. I let him go out there thinking I don’t care. But if anything has happened to him, I’m going to die.”

It was the first time she’d ever said the words, out loud, or even to herself.

Heidi, leaning back, relaxed, her hands up behind her head, gazed at her friend and client with interest. “I’m sorry you have to endure this, Kathryn. But it’s significant, the way it’s working out. Here’s The White House, of all things, getting involved in your life. How likely is that? Can you see the hand of a compassionate universe in this?”

“What?” Kath responded, looking confused.

“It sounds as though you’ve been bending your grasp of your own reality into kinks for some time, now, in order to protect yourself from making a mistake and letting this man in. Forgive me, Kath, my dear, but I’m going to lecture you for a minute here. Now, it’s not my job to lecture people, but now and then, we break the rules.

“You know, it’s fine to push back at people, people need to be pushed back at. Or they think you are an overcooked stand of spaghetti.

“But you seem to be pushing back at someone who only wants a chance to get you to fall for him. Trouble with that is, it sounds as though you’ve already fallen and you’re unwilling to get up with the morning sun and reach out for what life is offering you. I’m not saying he’s right for you, Kathryn. I’m saying, you’re pretending, so you don’t have to take a chance.

“Well, not everyone gets damaged the way you were damaged, we can all understand that. But there comes a point, a line you do cross, as time rolls on, and after that point, you are just another person with human needs and longings.

“Are you ever going to open to life? Or when the most perfect person DOES come along, will you also push them back, always, because you are afraid? Afraid because that door has no peephole built into it?

“This is one of those doors you have no choice about. You either open it, without knowing who is out there really, or you don’t ever open it. There’s no peephole in this thing, Kathryn.

“I know you’ve always blamed yourself for opening the door of your home to those men, instead of pausing to look through the viewer your parents had provided for safety.

“But most people, you know, do just throw open their door when someone knocks. It’s automatic, it’s human. You just did the ordinary, human thing when you opened that door that day. You did nothing wrong, although it may be you’ll never accept that.

“But when it comes to romance, unfortunately, nobody, and I mean, nobody, gets to peek and see what’s out there. If you are in love, you’re in love. Face it. He’s obviously in love with you. Even if he’s not The One, he’s certainly no burglar, trying to steal your heart and throw it away.

“You won’t even give him a chance, because you can’t see what’s inside his heart and mind. And if you keep doing that, keep demanding to see what no on on earth gets to see, before you throw your hat into the ring, then you’ll turn away the most wonderful person as though he was just another burglar.

“Again, I’m not saying he’s the right one. I’m saying, if you keep handling things this way, when he does come along, you’ll ignore the doorbell and lose a chance at one of the great experiences of life.”

“So. Lecture over. Where are we at right now? You know certain things, know them in a depth of your own soul.

“Apparently, you do know for sure he’s no liar. He’s one of the truth-tellers. So how about we lay that fear to one side, just for practice? So what else? We know he works where he works, we know he’s been working where he said he’s been working. That one thing, you have gotten to see with your own eyes, on the TV screen. So you have that sound knowledge of the man.

“So we know he’s a hero type, a superman type of guy. One of those. Is that so bad? He’s a powerful person in his own right. If an employer like WNN or the government relies on him to bring home the goods, then he’s very special. That doesn’t mean he is Mr. Right for you, but it’s a lot of information to have about someone. Normally, when we start a relationship, we don’t have anywhere near that much info about the other person.

“So you can proceed into a solid experience with this man and he won’t intentionally hurt you. It is possible you may be hurt. We’d all like to protect you from hurt, Kath, with what you went through. But we can’t protect each other. Not possible. Our friends and loved ones walk out their door every morning into God-Knows-What. We hope for the best for ourselves and others and we use our common sense. It’s not a fair world or a safe one.

“So yes, you may get hurt, much as we all love you, and it’s obvious this guy loves you even more than the rest of us.

“But it won’t be the end of the world if you get hurt. It won’t kill you, Kath, even if he did lie to you. You’d be angry and hurt and so on, but we all get that sometimes, and we all recover. You’d recover better than most, I’d be willing to bet.

“So let’s say that you reach this one goal. You make a decision that you will, or you won’t, proceed with experience of this man. Just make a decision. Don’t be looking over the wall at some possible outcome. There is no viewer built into this door. But it IS a door, and if you don’t open some doors and go through them, you will never have lived your life.

“You’ve hidden in a safe place for many years, surrounded by safe people. But you’re not a hospital patient, Kath. You’re a warrior out there in a big scary world, and you know how to use a sword as well as the next person.

“In a way, you’ve become institutionalized. In my professional opinion, it’s time for you to leave the caregiving behind and thrust yourself into life’s hands and say, Let Me Live.

“I love you dearly, Kathryn Bond, and I know you better than most. And because I care, I have to tell you, you must take that leap. Before he comes back, you must decide. The universe has reached out to you, and has removed Eric Emerson from you. You can’t get your hands on him, you can’t phone him, you can’t email him, you can’t run downtown to the newspaper office and go find him.

“He’s gone. Perhaps to his death, or perhaps to just another successful adventure. You don’t know and no one can tell you. So what is your own part in this aspect of his story?

“Your part is this: You accept the challenge the universe has offered you here. God knows, it had to bring the White House itself into the picture to help you move forward. So somebody up there cares, Kathryn, really cares, about you and your life.

“You simply acknowledge where you are in this. You are in love, and you respond to his love accordingly, without fear or holding back. Sweetie, you have a super-hero here begging you for a chance. If you don’t trust him, tell me, please, who exactly would be good enough for you to trust?”


Human Trafficking in South Africa

Young People can be trafficked anywhere in the world. Far from home. Check out these resources to help victims.

SOUL RETRIEVAL: Connecting With My Brother

My Brother and Father:

My brother died in March of 2005. He died of alcoholism alone in his cabin. After he died, I contacted him by going to the “tunnel” I see when I shut my eyes and focus on my third eye area. I went to the edge and shouted his name (silently) several times. In the far distance I saw something moving, very tiny and far off, coming toward me. I waited and it came close enough to see it was my brother, lying down flat, hands by his sides, his skin was grey and his eyes were shut.

He was an atheist in his life as far as I know. He probably had expected to just die and cease to exist, so when he left his body that is the pose he adopted, just shut himself down and lay still and grey. I called his name again and he saw me standing there. I took his arm and said, “Stand up, let’s go, I will take you to Dad. He’s in a place called The Park. Come on. I’ll take you. It’s easy.” He stood up, accepting this strange intrusion into his death experience, and willingly let me guide him. He did not speak. He seemed to feel a bit confused but he stayed with me as we entered the Park, where I always picture it with grass and many rose gardens near where I always enter. We passed benches and flower beds and ponds and came to what I call the Picnic Place, by the ocean, lots of benches and usually many people there enjoying the oceanside ambience and eating and drinking coffee etc.  There always seems to be people around there.

I was astonished, nobody there to greet us. Then I was alarmed, thought, ok, I really have been imagining all this and now I have Tom here and I can’t find anyone for him. Help!! So I stood there and hollered for Dad and yelled and yelled for him, and was starting to really panic. Then I got the feeling the whole picnic area was some kind of stage set. Over at the end there were even the “wings” of the set. From around the back “wings” my Dad came. He did not look cheerful about this event. He looked like he had been dreading it. Anyway he came over to us and I said, well, here’s Tom, and neither of them knew what to say. So I said, uh, feeling kind of awkward, this had never happened before, I said Let’s go to Dad’s place, ok Dad? So we shot off to his lovely cabin where he lives with his two dogs and his fireplace and his nice set-up in some green rolling mountains. I walked in with Tom behind Dad. We stood by the fireplace for a minute and the two dogs were lying down in front of the fire. They didn’t seem bothered by us coming in.

Then my brother looked at my Dad and seemed to suddenly really come to life. He said “So, we can build things here?” He was catching on to the new reality fast. Dad said, “Yeah. We can build things.” I said I had to go and excused myself and shot off back to my home in beautiful B.C.

I take some pride and happiness in knowing I rescued my poor brother who really had a sad life and surprised him no end with some really, really great news…his real life was just beginning!

I have caught sight of him a couple times since then while exploring. He has been hanging out with a wide range of wildlife and enjoying the woods and forests there, he was a real outdoors guy when he was sober. He is loving the animals and helping them as they arrive there, trying to offer what healing he can.  I don’t know if Dad or anyone has introduced him to any healers or guides yet…anyway.

That’s my story of retrieving my bro. So cool. One of my happy things for sure. Used Bruce Moen’s method outlined in the appendix of one of his books.

Since retrieving my brother and taking him to The Park, I have visited him a few times. I am not accomplished at conversing with people there much, and hope to improve in that area. A week or so ago, he “tapped me on the shoulder” so to speak while I was doing other stuff, I had not been to see him for quite a while, and so I took a few minutes to go drop in on him and see what he wanted.

First, he wanted to show me that he had built a home for himself, that is, a house type of home. When he first went to the park he built himself a forest, which is what he likes best, but now he has completed work on a cedar shake house, only he has left out one of the walls, overlooking the valley below his forest, so he can be in his house or he can move out onto his cedar deck by just walking out where the wall should be, you know? It’s kind of neat, only you could only do that in a part of the universe where you could control the weather!!

He was sitting out on his deck looking proud when I arrived and he mostly wanted to show me a couple other things, one is, he has of course been looking after traumatized animals since his “demise”, lots of wild and small animals, but now he has been given responsibility for a large herd of horses who have passed in difficulty. I could see them in the valley below his forest, and he had been sitting on his deck watching over them. They were very aware of us, kind of connected to him by some kind of invisible energy field, constantly aware of his caring presence there. One horse in particular drew my attention, must be the leader I guess, and this horse is sort of roughly a creamy color and has a black streak down his handsome nose, a very proud, large horse. The other thing he wanted to show me was, he is now growing marijuana and enjoying it. I guess alcohol does not work very well in The Park so he has been looking for an alternative, I guess to satisfy his cravings, I don’t know since I don’t converse well with them there yet, but he was happy and pleased and also kind of wanted to shock and maybe annoy me a little. Still a brother, ya know?

I have read somewhere that alcoholics who pass over still crave alcohol for a long time and it doesn’t work the same way on that body, which is very frustrating for the addict. I am guessing that my brother has started using marijuana as a way of settling his brain down since he craves alcohol and it won’t work for him any more. They grow all kinds of plants there, so why not mary Ruth, I guess.

When you stop to think about it, addiction is a product of our imagination, just like astral travel to the Park is, and responses to sugar pills, and probably pretty much everything, so if I were an addict and went over there, and discovered how easy it was to build things using the power of imagination, I would for sure start trying to use my imagination to get my substance and enjoy it the same, but of course that body wouldn’t necessarily process any substance the same way as this body does…or this body has been trained to, by our imagination…this is where it all goes off course since our imagination is probably an imaginary thing anyway…I never seem to get any further than that, it implodes right there.

I also don’t know if my brother used marijuana in addition to alcohol but it seems likely he would, he did smoke all his life and deliberately sat down in his cabin alone to drink himself to death after a cancer in his kidney recurred, his body must have been in pretty awful shape when he began this next chapter of his life in the Park.

I haven’t been given any info on any healing time or hospital time or whatever he went through after I left him there the first time.


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A woman’s journey to healing from violent crime through the love of a good man



Three short stories of love and passion: Love, Food and Heaven/The Love Potion/First Love: Born of Fire


The Boy ScoutPagan flames

Pagan Flames and The Boy Scout: Tales of Avalon series

**Pagan Flames was listed as one of the TOP SEVEN Young Adult books of 2015.



Sacred Trust: A young wife must flee her marriage to begin again.

O BEAUTIFUL EM DASH (to be sung to the tune Olympia and with gusto)

FB often has posts about writers and what strange people we can be, how differently our brains are from more sensible folk. It’s true, I’ve noticed, that writing about paranormal fantasy romance, fairy love stories, wizards and shapeshifting, ( not to mention hot sex) tends to go along with other odd behaviors.

When I started writing a couple of years ago, I had a habit of using ellipses very, very often. Some publishers don’t really want ellipses popping up all over the place, and I had to figure out some other way of ending sentences when unspoken details were meant to be imagined by the reader. (An ellipsis is the three dots you often see at the end of a sentence instead of a period, for example, as in, …, just in case you didn’t know this extremely important factoid.)

The editor assigned to walk with me through the sorting of one of my books encouraged me to use other things. So I began to use two hyphens, as in –, if you see what I mean. One hyphen is for double barrelled words, like, um, high-spirited, for yet another example. Two hyphens are for, well, I am not too sure. But that particular editor taught me about en dashes and em dashes. She wrote me emails which I printed off and tried to understand. All I could produce from my elderly (but ergonomic, I hasten to add with pride) keyboard were two hyphens.

What is it about such simple things that confounds the human brain? How many times did I read about the em dash and then slide the piece of paper into the stash of instructional emails I keep buried in my intray, feeling totally confused?

Finally, while editing the first fifty pages of my current book, I gave in, caved, imploded at long last and looked up “em dash” on Google. Well, I could see that I didn’t have one on my keyboard. I did what Google said, and it doesn’t work on my keyboard. So I went to the place of final authority, and asked my editor, KC Sprayberry, to explain about the em dash and how to get one.

In the end, having tried different ways of achieving this mystical procedure, I did as she suggested as a last resort, which was to get into it via the Symbol function on the Word Insert menu. It worked! At last! A beautiful em dash appeared, slim and graceful, velvety and silky, unhampered by ugly spaces like the double hyphen, and I fell in love with the em dash.

The pleasure I felt in wading through fifty-odd pages of trauma and romance, searching for the dreaded double hyphen was really weird.

I felt it in my body, in my throat and chest and stomach, the joy of erasing that ugly double hyphen everywhere, along with the unwanted ellipses, and inserting instead the graceful, gorgeous em dash.

A single line, made probably of two bits, like two hyphens but so much more perfect, sliding in there, the one on the left kissing the final letter of the word before, and the one that would be on the right, if it WERE a double hyphen, God forbid, that one kissing the first letter of the next word. How perfect is that, in a romance novel?

I had such a good time, it was better than a glazed doughnut. Call me crazy, call me a writer even, if you must, but I LOVED every single experience of inserting those em dashes. When I came to the last paragraph, the end of the manuscript as it stands at the moment, I felt a miserable sense of deprivation.

And I have come to realize, you know, as I just finished telling my therapist this morning, I have just got to GET OUT MORE.

If I didn’t realize it before, I sure realize it now.

But, OMG, the beauty of the em dash. I love, love, love it. That black, shiny, slender line, unmarred by any spaces…


Maybe I should start writing non fiction. I mean, sorry, non-fiction.


AND!! (OOPS, no double exclamation marks, please.)

In addition, did you happen to notice how I cleverly slipped in a number of the keywords my very expensive marketer found for me? The ones I was supposed to be putting in ALL posts of ALL kinds for the last year, and forgot until he went in and looked at my blog posts last week and had a fit. No keywords? Where are your keywords, woman?? (oops, there I go again.)

Well, from how on, there shall be keywords. And em dashes, by the Gods of War, as my Norse mother used to say, in multiplicities.

You just watch. Watch me fly. Dashing through the snow, or cherry blossoms, whichever, em dashing forever across the starry wastes of the universe…

I never should have left nursing.




Just a little FYI for anyone who remembers me complaining about my house and my cell phone both being haunted, a few months ago. Both mysteries have been solved. Like I say, just FYI.

A friend suggested I turn my cell phone off when I charge it, and that would clean out any old cookies or junk that might be in there making it behave like a crazy machine. She was right – my cell phone has entirely stopped going into my contact list and sending insane sputterings to whoever it picked via Text Message. All that stuff is stopped.

That was embarrassing and who would believe me when I said I didn’t send them any texts?? Then I had to explain my cell phone was haunted. Much better.

Anyway, that’s all ancient history now.

As to my home being haunted, that was because in the morning I got up to find all my window blinds were OPEN! Some ghost was opening my blinds in the middle of the night! AAGGHH. Except my pharmacist just happened to explain to me recently that one of the most troublesome side effects of my sleeping pills happens to be sleepwalking.

So the lights all came on. I guess I am the ghost who is opening the blinds in the night while I am, apparently, sleepwalking.

Oh who needs fiction when reality is so nuts.

And if you are really into weird things like shapeshifting and saving the world, take a look at my books on Amazon:

Vanayssa Somers Books


Sensual roses

Who hasn’t stood under a starry sky at least once when they were young and wished upon a star for their soul mate? The search for the love that never dies is inherent in our genes, in the most primitive reaches of our mind and brain. Not to mention, our heart.

In our energy field lie many stories…thousands of stories. Stories from past lives, stories of love and betrayal, stories of families we now have forgotten, people who loved us or hated us, people who were tied to us by blood and are now forgotten as we struggle on with our current lives.

But wherever we are in time or space, the yearning for a soul mate never disappears; it’s with us every morning and night, even if we are happily married, yet still feeling that absence, that thing we can’t explain that tells us, someone is missing.

Unless we are one of the lucky few who have met and married their soul mate, perhaps even met them while young and were able to spend their lives together.

How wonderful it will be when we set foot upon that shore and someone special will come running to meet us, arms outstretched. Our one true love, the one we always knew was missing.




Yesterday I received a set of Pennie McCracken’s oracle cards, something I was very much looking forward to.

Pennie had done a reading for me using her cards, off of her website (click above there for a look at a fabulous website) and I had to order a set for myself. The reading showed cards with deep insight, as though each card is a portal opening to new aspects of my life and myself.

So when my own set arrived, and I was on my way out for coffee, you can imagine…I couldn’t wait a respectable amount of time to get home, I had to rip the padded envelope apart there in the coffee shop with my bare fingers (no scissors around, and of course all that tape!) and start looking, fiddling, shuffling, thinking.

The cards are her own creation, as she is an artist (see her site for paintings and other items) and are larger than some decks. They must be shuffled from the side, not the ends, as in poker-style.

There are ten topic cards, addressing things like Family, Career, Health, Communication, and so on.

This morning, in the peacefulness of my home, I set out the ten topic cards and then shuffled the rest of the deck, took the top card and lay it on one of the topic cards.

After they were all done, I had ten sets of two cards each to read and think about concerning my day ahead. (Hey, I’m retired, I have time in the morning.)

When it came to Family, it told me to expand my horizons. Very puzzled, I said, What?? How can I do that?

Then I remembered people in my family I hadn’t seen for a long while, and immediately took my phone and sent one of them a text message. I felt a surge of excitement. Haven’t seen this gal for a long time. I’m looking forward to hearing back from her.

Communication told me there would be some deception happening today, either someone not being honest with me entirely or vice versa. This gave me food for thought.

Career? I got a shock. The card I’d pulled for Career had an image of horse racing on it…it’s time for me to take off and get out of the gate! Yay! I know exactly what to do!

How many tarot card decks have you ever bought that could open portals like this for you? I adore tarot cards and have decks all over the house. For forty years of my life, in addition to working, I professionally read cards, teacups, and past lives in my spare time. I set those things aside once I retired, but it’s second nature to keep tabs on my own and my loved ones’ lives.

This deck is like that movie…Once Upon a Time…the series of modern day fairy tales, adapted for today’s world. There are endless possibilities.

So I will leave you there and go make breakfast…and since Health told me to Let Go and quit letting my fears and insecurities affect my life choices, I know I had better have a sensible breakfast and get ready for this day, a day in which I open myself up to some things I am a bit nervous about.

This amazing day, promised by these amazing oracle cards, by Pennie McCracken, on her site, Endless Skys.

Go take a look….put your name in for a free reading draw! Experience her cards first hand!








TEEN LOVE – FIRST LOVE! Remember the song?

Young love, first love…

Nothing like it. We all remember the first person who every plucked our heart strings, stole our heart, ravaged our hearts, whatever it was like. I recall a pair of amazing blue-green eyes fringed with dark lashes.  We lived a long way apart…I remember the tears, those painful first tears, sleeping with his shirt stuffed under my face on my pillow. We’d never see each other again, we’d met on a camp out with a bunch of friends, on a beautiful beach. The moon, the stars, the soft waves rolling in…

Everyone has a first love.  What was yours like?

Solstice Publishing has put together a collection of First Love stories to pull at your memories and your heartstrings.

Is fourteen too young to fall in love? Really?

In my story, First Love: Born of Fire, Petra and Jim discover what their hearts can do in times of danger and stress. Fourteen. In love.

A precious collection of love stories from Solstice Publishing authors.

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– See more at: http://www.paranormalfantasyromance.com